Name Kineatra (pronounced: KEN-E-TRA)

Feels best in Skinny Jeans, Tee, and Chucks

Kineatra in New Orleans with New Orleans Style

Give a little, get a little

Today’s story is unique. It’s about a woman who encourages everyone around her to be true to themselves. She’s an avid giver who wants to leave the world a better place than she found it.

Her name is Kineatra, and her story is about how we sometimes give what we need most, even if we don’t know it. For Kineatra, she’s learning to show herself the same love she gives to others.

In a social-media-YouTube-selfie world where people are more focused on themselves than those around them, Kineatra stands out. When I found Kineatra on Instagram I immediately knew she was the person I needed to meet while I was in New Orleans. Her Clothing-Confidence was so electric, it nearly cracked my iPhone.

We met up on a beautiful, sunny March day at Drink Beauty, a darling little cafe located in the Garden District of New Orleans. We ordered lemonade-sweet-drink-things, sat down, and got to work.

Literally.

Kineatra’s story to confidence eloquently flowed from her in a narrative that took a mere 30 minutes. I couldn't believe the ground we covered in such little time!

The Kineatra we see today has been sculpted from years of work. Some of this work was voluntary and some ... not so much. Kineatra took what life handed her and came out the other side the resilient and strong woman that inspires those around her.

Today, Kineatra has found a balance. She’s still an encourager and a giver but she’s loving from within.

“You never know what someone else is going through. Always be kind. I’m not the friend that checks in every 2 seconds, but I am the friend that will show up when you need me.”

If you’re struggling with confidence, Kineatra’s going to share with you how she learned to love herself, from the inside out.

The Resilient Path Less Traveled

“I haven’t always had confidence in myself.”

In fact, her life has transformed dramatically in the last three years.

“My style has changed, and it’s funny because it started after I got divorced.”

Divorce. A word so commonly used that it is unable to convey the weight of experiencing it yourself. “Divorce” summarizes a host of painful, and even joyful, events that finally leads to the parting of ways.

“I was in a marriage that was not the best, and I lost myself. I lost everything about me. I was too focused on him.”

Sometimes life calls us to take a step back. Kineatra was called to take a big step back.

Seeing the view from a peak allows us to take stock of the world we’ve created and reassemble the pieces of who we are and what we value.

Kineatra’s divorce was the valley to the peak, and in her passage, she recognized that the divorce was needed to find herself again.

Whether it’s caused by a draining job, an unhealthy relationship, or something else, everyone will experience the loss of identity at some point.

Kineatra chose to be resilient in her valley and focus on herself. She gave so much to everyone around her, and this was her moment to carve out something for herself.

A stepping stone towards her identity restoration was investing time into the blog she started before her divorce.

It’s all about the hair

Kineatra is passionate about hair, and for good reason. Hair, particularly for black women, has deep cultural and historical significance.

“Black women are still being told that we can’t wear our natural hair. They’re making laws to pass that it’s ok to have natural hair.”

I had no idea there was anti-discrimination legislation being created around natural hair (see this New York Times article). Natural hair is a tool for people to feel Clothing-Confident, particularly since it frames our most important asset: the face.

Our hair, like the accessories and clothing we chose, must reflect the way we want to show up in the world. If someone is telling you how to wear your hair, then it’s not a genuine expression. I’m in support of anything that allows individuals to feel their best, particularly when it’s theirs to dictate in the first place.

Kineatra summarizes the confusion perfectly:

“The hair that grows from my head is a problem?”

A few years ago, Kineatra felt like she could add something helpful to the conversation.

Kineatra in her fabulous hat in New Orleans

She created Naturally Nex, a destination for black women to learn how to wear their hair naturally. It’s told from Kineatra’s perspective, with photos of herself documenting everything from protective styles to the best leave in treatments.

Now, the blog has expanded to include beauty, lifestyle, fashion, and more. It’s an extension of Kineatra’s life (see what I did there?).

“Naturally Nex to be whoever the hell you want to be.”

Kineatra’s writing style is conversational, like she’s talking to you. When reading her articles, I feel like she’s sitting right next to me, encouraging me the whole way.

“Be who you are, no matter what, be you because it’s ok.”

This is Kineatra’s mantra. Those clear words are powerful because she knows what it’s like to feel lost, without purpose — downright questioning who you are.

Kineatra is a guiding light, steering people. Because she did it, so can you.

“I’m more confident than I’ve ever been. People can see me more.”

The real Kineatra has fully shown up.

What I find inspiring is that while Kineatra didn’t feel confident in herself when she started the blog, she did it anyway. Again, sometimes we give the thing we need most! Kineatra has recognized that she can be an even BIGGER giver if she loves herself, too.

Now she’s a 360° confident person. She feels like she “shed” her inhibited self.

“Everybody around me can see that I’m so much happier than 3 years ago. If someone recognizes that in me, I’m so grateful because I know where I was, and I will never forget that. That experience made me into who I am today as a confident woman and showing other women that they can be confident, too.”

Her hard work is paying off. Her success demonstrates that sweat and passion do translate into currency.

“When I started Naturally Nex, I didn’t expect any of this. But I feel like I deserve this now. I feel like it’s my time. I’ve had more and more people reaching out to me, and I’m so grateful for it.”

Clothing as a gateway into Confidence

Kineatra’s divorce left her depressed and struggling to get out of bed. Both of which are hard to imagine looking at the woman I see today.

Enter Kineatra’s mom. Her very own hype girl.

“My mom encouraged me to change my style up and to love myself more.”

This was unexpected from her mom, not the encouragement per se, but the “flaunt it” attitude her mom took towards Kineatra’s style. Kineatra wouldn’t call her upbringing “religious,” but they were in church frequently and modesty was expected.

“My mom is the inspiration behind my transformation, and I never thought she would be. She said things like ‘show your skin,’ ‘embrace it because you’re beautiful.’ I think that in itself is confidence. I had to recreate myself.”

Kineatra’s mom, who lives a few hours away, buys and sends her clothing. #MomStitchFix

“My mom is still sending me clothes. She’s my stylist. I love her for that. I’m proud to say this is who I am.”

Kineatra strutting her stuff in New Orleans

What helped Kineatra become clothing-confident?

Of course, Kineatra’s mom was a huge help, but something also had to change with Kineatra. She had to channel the love she so abundantly passed out, inward.

"There’s nothing like a good friend so I try to make sure I’m one, so that I can receive that same energy back.”

It started by changing the way she talked to herself.

“Good, positive self-talk is so important. I’ve always been an encourager with my friends and anyone in general, but it’s always been an issue with me.”

>>> Looking for tips on how to speak more kindly to yourself? Learn about Mirror Talk.

Kineatra’s advice to people seeking Clothing-Confidence, but who haven’t quite achieved it yet, is to:

“Be true to you, no matter what place you’re at. How you find Clothing-Confidence is through the process, at least that’s how I found it, so be encouraged that you’re going to find who you are and your style, and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing or their style. That’s what’s going to mess you up. Be ok with your style and where you’re in with your life right now.”

Honor the way you feel, right now. Have faith that you’ll figure it out. Don’t discount your feelings. Be in it, live it. Feel it.

Kineatra isn’t quick to move on, she lets things sit as she figures them out. I love this advice because it requires that you process your feelings and emotions in the moment and acknowledge them as a part of your experience. This cultivates an integrated individual and identity in the long run and explains Kineatra’s confidence and happiness today.

Clothing

Kineatra goes with what the day (and whatever her mom has shipped her) brings her.

“Whatever I feel that day, I go with it. I’m confident in that.”

She’s very “go with the flow” because her spectrum of style is broad.

Photos courtesy of Kineatra’s Instagram @naturally_nex.

“I don’t have one specific style. One second I can be a really girly girl in heels. The next day, I’m wearing combat boots and some short shorts. It’s a feeling, and I don’t think anyone should put themselves in a box with fashion.”

This requires that we check in with ourselves. Turn off the autopilot.

To take your brain off cruise control, try asking yourself some curious questions when you’re getting dressed to ignite creativity:

What do I feel like wearing?
Is there a particular Cut, Color, Cloth, or Comfort level (those 4Cs again) I want today?
What’s one thing that I could do differently today that will make me feel more Clothing-Confident? Trying a scarf out? Accessories? Doing my hair differently?

Remember to BE PLAYFUL.

Thank you to Kineatra! I feel inspired to bring more light into the world.

Kineatra’s Style

Seeking Inspirato with Kineatra in New Orleans