Episode 2: How to dress in a flattering way?
Episode Transcription
Intro
The word of this episode is flattering.
Dressing your figure flatteringly is going to make you feel more confident, and make you look more attractive.
Confidence and attractiveness are among the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication because they tell the world we are 1) at ease with ourselves, which ultimately is attractive, and 2) that we care about the way we show up, that we have a certain standard of self respect.
So how do I dress my figure flatteringly?
It turns out that question is worth about 1 trillion five hundred ninety-three billion dollars if you combine what the make up, personal care, and clothing industries project for revenue for 2021.
Did you know that women in the US spend about $3.8k on their appearance annually?
So, perhaps this question of how to appear as best you can is worth 3.8k or more to you.
The advice I’m going to give you today is free and I’m hoping it actually reduces the amount of money you spend on clothing annually, and accomplished your goal of looking the best you can.
Because what that insanely high number, the 1 trillion five hundred and 93 billion dollars doesn’t project is the happiness women feel about the way they’re showing up after putting their money into these industries.
Based on my research, 1 in 2 women are walking around not feeling Clothing Confident. They don’t feel like they’re dressing their figures in flattering ways, they don’t feel like they’re attractive in their clothing…
So while the marketing is getting us into the stores, and convincing us to buy, it’s not leading us to the pieces that will highlight our figures best.
50% (or more) of what makes Clothing Confident women, Clothing Confident, is highlighting their figures in a positive way.
Abi, a recent Seeking Inspirato interviewee in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma said
“I seriously believe looking good is half the battle.”
I completely agree with Abi. The other half of Clothing Confidence is developing a Dynamic Personal Style, and I cover all of that in the first episode of this podcast series.
When we’re able to successfully highlight the parts of our figures we want to showcase and conceal the parts we want to keep to ourselves, it feels harmonious, it boosts our self-esteem. It’s appealing to the eye, our own and the people around us.
We’re humans. We are attracted to people who appear well-dressed, and being well-dressed means you’re not only dressing in an interesting, smart, or creative way, but that you’re also showcasing your figure.
When you’re confident in yourself and in your appearance, life is just a bit easier. You’re engaging with people differently, they’re engaging with you differently. The way you feel about yourself, the confidence you’re experience in how you’re showing up… it’s being communicated without you having to say a thing to those around you. That’s the power of Clothing Confidence. This nonverbal element that’s happening that you don’t even know is happening, but it’s happening!
Recently I attended an open house here in Palm Springs where I’m visiting for Modernism Week and when I approached the booth to sign in, the volunteers at the booth started commenting on my outfit, my jewelry… it was a conversation starter. I was super into what I was wearing that day, it was one shouldered, pink snake skin maxi dress…. Very flowy, and it really stood out… it was very Palm Springs. But I think the confidence I had, plus the outfit I was wearing, made me more approachable. If I was wearing workout clothing, would they have still engaged with me? Maybe so, but clothing does make for a great conversation starter. It’s also worth noting that this dress is kind of a sack, it really doesn’t hug any of my curves. BUT, the one shoulder makes my arms look slimmer, and the cut across my chest was really appealing. So the dress is still flattering, and it does great things for my skin, but it’s not skin tight. Flattering doesn’t mean sucking in, uncomfortable, showcasing all of your assets at one time. No, flattering just means that the clothing is doing you some favors. It’s showing off some, or all, of the features you want to highlight.
You could hide your body, as so many people that I see in public do. But you’re actually not hiding from anyone’s gaze. You’re sticking out even more. The more you try to hide, behind layers of fabric or clothing that doesn’t fit properly, the more others can see it… even if that’s not your intention (hey, we all go to Target or Walmart needing essentials at 8:00 pm on a Tuesday night--- I don’t want to show you a selfie on one of those nights either).
Here’s my point: Today, I ask that you, even if it’s only for the duration of this podcast, to imagine yourself accepting your body and beginning to dress it as beautifully as you can. Envision this version of yourself! Envision the you, showing up confidently or attractively, to a room of people you care about, or want to impress. Won’t that feel great?
“But I’m 15 pounds heavier than I’d like to be” --- then we’re going a size up in the pants, ladies! There’s no excuse for putting self respect on the backburner. Every time you make an excuse for not dressing Clothing Confidently, it’s a wear on your self esteem. It becomes a part of your story. It weighs in the back of your head as you go out in public, afraid you may see someone you know and have to rattle off an excuse for your appearance.
Also, I think for the people who do want to lose weight, I’ve found it to be a much more positive motivator to start from a place of gratitude for your body instead of hatred and I think with some self-acceptance and gratitude work, in combination with beginning to dress your current figure in a flattering way, you’ll be much more likely to the lose weight, and keep it off because ultimately you’re starting from a place of self-respect.
Bottom line, personal appearance and self-esteem are deeply connected, and no matter your weight, your mental health, or any other rationale you have to avoid Clothing Confidence, dressing in a way that flatters your figure will make you feel better, even if it’s only 5% better.
It’s like making your bed in the morning, or making sure the dishes are put away from the sink, or whatever other ritual you do each day that keeps you sane... Clothing Confidence is a practice that demonstrates self-respect.
And you can dress your current figure in a flattering way, I guarantee it.
In today’s episode, we’re going to go through a Daily Inspirato cornerstone methodology: The 4Cs: Cut, Color, Cloth, and Comfort. We’ll talk about how the 4Cs work and how they’re going to transform the way you think about clothing and the way it flatters your figure.
Let’s go!
Objective Setting
Let’s set some objectives for our time together. My objective with you today is to share my knowledge on how to dress your figure as flatteringly as you possibly can, and to give you some exercises you can do pretty much immediately after (or during!) the podcast to get you moving towards making dressing flatteringly a practice.
An objective for you today could be that you’re hoping to take what you learn from this episode, in combo with the last episode on Dynamic Personal Style, to begin living Clothing Confidently. Maybe you’re just looking for some practical ways to begin dressing flatteringly and you’re here to learn that skill set.
Whatever reason you may be here, I’m so glad you are!
Podcast Core Content
Clothing can be overwhelming. Where do I start? What do I like? Does that blouse my mother in law gave me really look good on me, or do I just think it does because she told me so?
I’m going to give you a little kernel of knowledge that’s going to totally transform the way you think about clothing and help you begin answering these questions for yourself.
The 4C’s. Cut, Color, Cloth, and Comfort.
Identifying your 4C’s opens up a whole new world where you can look at clothing and quickly run through your 4C’s criteria to determine whether or not the piece works for you.
The 4C’s provide a common denominator of language you can use and have in the back of your mind as you evaluate clothing.
I’ll tell you a secret, one that many Clothing Confident women haven’t even realize they’ve honed: they have a formula for how to approach flattering their figure because they know which Cs to go for.
I’m not saying they always go for the same Cs, but with enough practice in trying on clothing and getting feedback from people around them, Clothing Confident women begin to learn what their 4Cs are and how to use them for different situations.
Notice, this takes practice and exposure to figure out!
I’ve begun asking women who I interview for the Seeking Inspirato series, a series focused on showcasing real, cool women from across this country who practice Clothing Confidence, what their 4Cs are. And they always have an answer, without fail. Now, the 4Cs may change over time, but it’s criteria they’ve thought about.
And so can you.
Let’s go through the 4Cs, define them, and then begin figuring out yours.
Cut: How a piece’s Cut Fits and Frames your figure. This is the silhouette of a piece. An example cut is an A-Line Dress, a ¾ length sleeve, a dress that hits the ankles as opposed to one that hits the knees… it’s the shape of the garment (loose or fitted) and where the garment’s fabric ends. As every figure is different, understanding your ideal Cuts means evaluating yourself from head to toe to determine which garment shapes best frame your figure, fit you well, and are most comfortable for you. That “ahhh,” pleasing feeling you experience when looking at someone dressed well is in part because their Cuts are working for their figure. Their clothing is working in concert to create gorgeous lines and balance. Each piece is complementing the other, from hair to earrings to dress to shoes, to create a beautiful silhouette.
Color: How a piece’s Color complements your skin tone and hair color. Are you better in warmer tones, or cooler tones? Or can you work both, perhaps it changes throughout the year? Your Color and Cut are among the first elements people notice when you arrive. Don’t shy away from color… consider the psychology of what you’re wearing. All black everything gives off closed cold vibes, while brighter colors can be more cheery and inviting. Red is passion, yellow and orange are cheery, blue is calming etc. Wearing all black, no matter what you’ve been told or what you have convinced yourself of, doesn't mean you’re going to look thin. With colors it’s all about placement. If you wear a bright, big patterned belt around the largest part of your body, that’s where people are going to look first. Color around the face does wonders for highlighting your great asset (your face). I have these turquoise and coral earrings I bought recently and they’re pretty big ovals that hug tightly in on my face and I get the best feedback on them because I think the colors are the right ones for my skintone, but they draw the eye right into my eyes. This is a small example of how impactful color can be!
Cloth: How a piece’s Cloth feels on your body and supports your frame. Spandex vs. cotton (or a mix). Cashmere vs. mohair. Certain cloths add bulk to our frame, and certain cloths can accentuate our frame. Where does the cloth gather? Cloth is really important when it comes to picking the right Cuts. You could pick the most beautiful Cut, but have it in a thick woven knit that adds bulk to your figure. This could throw you off, and make you think that the Cut is wrong, but it’s actually because the Cloth is wrong. Even that way of thinking, just now that I walked you through, is going to help you evaluate clothing in a whole new light. Instead of getting frustrated in the dressing room (though, no promises) you can evaluate clothing for what it is.
Comfort: How a piece works for your lifestyle, style comfort level, and skin and body figure exposure. Comfort touches the 3 other C’s, but it also stands on its own as a separate consideration.
4C Formula
The 4C’s are going to change your life because you now have criteria you never had before. Here’s what happens when you begin to dress in a flattering way once, then twice, then consistently… you begin to notice what kinds of Cuts, Color, Cloths, and Comfort Levels you like. I’m not saying you always have to stick to this formula, but you’re able to scan pieces for their criteria using the 4Cs and evaluate if they meet your figure needs.
Each C has its own chapter in the book, so you can really dive into it. Here, we’re going to break them down at a high level so that you can start using them today, and then later I’m going to create an episode for each one.
Ask “Why” Until You Get the Answer
Why do I preach the 4C’s? For starters, they’re not prescriptive; you define your unique 4C’s. They’re also designed to be easy to remember. They help you understand what’s going on when you put a piece on and think, “I don’t like this, but I’m not sure why …”
Instead of stopping there, learn to use the 4C’s to evaluate why a look is, or isn’t, technically working. Process it aloud to yourself!
“I always buy this color but it turns out it completely washes me out!”
What’s the power in saying this aloud?
You’re using a rationale to evaluate your clothing. The colors you didn’t know washed you out before are now clear to you. The 4C’s are a productive, learning-focused, way to reflect on how you want to dress your figure. Plus, by filling in the blank of “I don’t like it because …” you’re building your personal style language.
For instance, you may have a piece in your closet right now that’s made you feel “happy,” “joyful,” or aligns with your Dynamic Personal Style; however, it’s never felt right on you.
Why is that?
The reason lies within one of the 4C’s. Maybe it’s too large for you in the shoulders, or it rides up when you walk (Cut). Perhaps the color clashes with your skin (Color). Or you’ve never liked linen materials because they wrinkle and this particular piece is 100% linen (Cloth). It could be downright uncomfortable (Comfort).
The same exercise applies to the pieces you do love.
Use the 4C’s when evaluating individual pieces of clothing, and when you begin putting outfits together, to evaluate entire looks.
Some pieces in your closet might be the right Cut, but the wrong Color. Instead of jumping straight into the closet and potentially getting lost in the thick of it all, I want you to stand in front of a mirror and go through the 4C’s exercise.
We’re focused on working with your current figure to make you feel the best you possibly can. This doesn’t involve “miracle ways to look thinner.” It’s about knowing you’re showing up in the world as your best self. Learning your unique 4C’s is the formula behind finding pieces that will work for your body.
Let’s get into an exercise that will help you put the 4Cs into practice.
Exercise
STEP 1
Get a full length mirror out (and clean it if it’s dusty!). Stand in front of the mirror nude (no sucking in) and ask yourself the following about your current figure… WRITE THESE DOWN
“Which parts of my body do I want to highlight and show off?” (We all have a minimum of three assets we can show off!)
Your face (always!)
Your answer: ________________
Your answer: ________________
“Which do I want to conceal or hide?” (You may have none!)
Your answer: ________________
Your answers to these two pivotal questions will inform which Cuts will best Fit and Frame your body.
STEP 3
Now, pick out an outfit from your wardrobe that you wear frequently (not workout clothing, something that is meant for meeting friends or work).
DO your own body scan.
Does the Cut of this outfit accentuate the aspects of your body you want to accentuate?
Does the Color highlight your face? What is the color?
Does the Cloth support your body? What is the Cloth?
Is the piece Comfortable? Can you sit without any issues, does it comfortably flatter the aspects of your body you want to flatter?
STEP 4
Look at yourself nude regularly and evaluate your looks with the 4Cs in mind, regularly.
Next time, we’ll dive deep into the 1st C, the Cuts, and even go over some Cuts that work for most women so that you can begin trying some out if you’re feeling like you need a place to start.
SOURCES:
https://www.statista.com/topics/5091/apparel-market-worldwide/#:~:text=The%20global%20apparel%20market%20is,the%20rise%20across%20the%20world.